Mondays Suck!

I'm in a pissy mood, I shouldn't even be writing. I get in these moods once in a while and it's usually not a good thing for anyone who is in my path of destruction. I can't explain it. I'm just an emotional mess. I sat up and had a good cry with myself last night. If you are a guy reading this, you just won't understand why. I started to think about the past couple of years of my life and where they ended up taking me and where I wanted to end up going. There was a fork in that road. I hate that I have big dreams and little ambition to back them up. I need to stop saying I'm going to do things and actually do them. When I do that I feel better about life in general. The cold weather does not help my initiative. I'm lonely lately. I'm tired all the time. I'm not eating healthy at all. I'm lethargic. This weekend I am going to Penn State to sit in the cold and watch a college football team. I'm looking forward to it, to actually be getting out of this town, but I'm dreading it at the same time. It's a long day. Making a 4 hour car drive each way, sitting in the cold, eating on the road, drinking in a parking lot. I hope I don't have to drive, but the girl I'm suppose to be going with is not returning my emails, or my phone calls, this is making me nervous. It's the same girl I went to the Pearl Jam concert with. I just hate not knowing what is going on, I know it's only Monday and I have 4 more days yet to get the details ironed out, but she is not the most dependable, or predtictable person. She could decide to back out completly, say she can't afford it or something like that. She has a tendency to back out at the last minute. She just started a job last Monday, so I can hear her using the excuse she didn't get a paycheck yet. I'm not footing her portion of the bill. I don't mind if I have to drive now, and pay for all the gas, but I won't buy her food for her. It's not going to be a cheap day. I really can't afford it either, the only reason I said I would go in the first place is because I have never been to a game before and she sounded so excited to go. Now she won't even call me back. Grrrr. See, I'm being bitchy.

Oh well, that was a hell of a run on paragraph. I just want to curl up in my bed and pull the covers up to my neck and stare into space with sad songs playing in the background.