Facing my Fears
I have to loosen up and just accept that I am who I am. I stress and worry about way too many things that shouldn't matter at all. I'm losing my hair, I'm losing weight, I'm losing sleep.
I KNOW that I have a good life and I have a select group of friends who I can always turn to when I need them. I have felt extremely lonely for about the last 4 months. No real reason to either. I realized why I don't want to finish unpacking at my apt. I don't want to come across things that will spark memories from a time I'm trying to erase. Yesterday at work I found a casette tape that had songs on it from a boyfriend I had when I was 18. On it are all these lovey dovey break up songs. It's funny but I remember making it and then at the end of the songs I have a little speech for him....it just made me realize how caring I am and that I have major trouble with closure issues. Take for example the guy who I dated when I was 16, he's still in the picture. I just have trouble letting go. I need to learn to take lessons from each experience and apply them to the next one. It's hard for me. I guess I want everyone to see something good in me. I don't like losing people in my life because I feel each one helped to mold a piece of my personality and my heart.
Today I am doing something to help me get over my fears and worries and though I'm not looking completly forward to it, I know it's what is need to move on and have closure.
I need a good meal and a good nights rest. I need a day off and a housekeeper. LOL
Ok, that was depressing...On a bright note.
I'm very excited for my vacation in 3 weeks. I can't wait to get away from here. I love to drive and this will definatly be a drive (7 hours). I know that I will be able to relax and be myself. I need that more than anything. Don't forget that suitcase Mmmmm!! Make sure you pack it, I don't know if you remember my one long lost post where I took an empty suitcase once on a trip. You don't call me Grace for nothing : )
See that's the Sunshine I miss...the one who could give two shits what people think about her, the one who just lives her life the way she wants too, not caring what kind of an ass she looks like. Am I talking in 3rd person. I hate that.
I think I just need to come to grips that I am infact a single mother and that so are thousands of other women. Truthfully, I have it pretty damn good. I just wish that I could share my qwerkiness and humor with someone who appreciates those things about me. Meh.
I'm alive, and vacation soon!!!!!!!
I KNOW that I have a good life and I have a select group of friends who I can always turn to when I need them. I have felt extremely lonely for about the last 4 months. No real reason to either. I realized why I don't want to finish unpacking at my apt. I don't want to come across things that will spark memories from a time I'm trying to erase. Yesterday at work I found a casette tape that had songs on it from a boyfriend I had when I was 18. On it are all these lovey dovey break up songs. It's funny but I remember making it and then at the end of the songs I have a little speech for him....it just made me realize how caring I am and that I have major trouble with closure issues. Take for example the guy who I dated when I was 16, he's still in the picture. I just have trouble letting go. I need to learn to take lessons from each experience and apply them to the next one. It's hard for me. I guess I want everyone to see something good in me. I don't like losing people in my life because I feel each one helped to mold a piece of my personality and my heart.
Today I am doing something to help me get over my fears and worries and though I'm not looking completly forward to it, I know it's what is need to move on and have closure.
I need a good meal and a good nights rest. I need a day off and a housekeeper. LOL
Ok, that was depressing...On a bright note.
I'm very excited for my vacation in 3 weeks. I can't wait to get away from here. I love to drive and this will definatly be a drive (7 hours). I know that I will be able to relax and be myself. I need that more than anything. Don't forget that suitcase Mmmmm!! Make sure you pack it, I don't know if you remember my one long lost post where I took an empty suitcase once on a trip. You don't call me Grace for nothing : )
See that's the Sunshine I miss...the one who could give two shits what people think about her, the one who just lives her life the way she wants too, not caring what kind of an ass she looks like. Am I talking in 3rd person. I hate that.
I think I just need to come to grips that I am infact a single mother and that so are thousands of other women. Truthfully, I have it pretty damn good. I just wish that I could share my qwerkiness and humor with someone who appreciates those things about me. Meh.
I'm alive, and vacation soon!!!!!!!
posted by sunshine at 8:42 AM
3 Comments:
You seen/read the Harry Potter series? They have house-elves who love doing household chores and I constantly live in hope that someday one of those will be found and made available to the general public!
Hope the rest of your day goes ok and helps you move on
I'm sure everybody who has read this blog or any of it's previous incarnations has seen something good in you.
I'm sure Cedar point will cheer you up, big style.
I wish I could be there.
x
I know EXACTLY how you feel about not likeing to let go. I hope the vacation turns out to be what you've hoped for. Have fun!!!
lol!
hyde
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