Don't feel like it anymore.......

I just don't feel like being here anymore, or anywhere for that matter. I'm emotionally breaking down. I hope it's just all the holiday stress. I'm depressed because my apartment is in shambles. I know a lot of it is presents scattered around, but more of it is just that I'm lazy and I'm never home anymore to take care of it. I've decided to make myself and my apartment more of a priority. I also am depressed about money at the moment, I used my credit card way too much in the last month, now I'm back to where I was before I paid it off 2 months ago. I'll get it paid off again, just will take a while.

I'm also depressed about my vacations this summer and if I'll be able to take any on my own with out my daughter. Usually I go to NYC for a Friday and Saturday, but this year I don't think I'll be going. For money and the fact that I might not have the vacation time.

Let's see. This might be the last post until I can pick up the pieces of my life and get all these things listed above resolved. I am tired of blogging, tired of being responsible, but most of all tired of people. I am in desperat need of some ALONE time and I'm going to take it, though some people won't understand why.

Happy Thoughts!

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to a

farm with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be

considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?



"It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.



"Oh yeah," said the son.

"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.



The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night



Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.



We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go

beyond our sight.



We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.



We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to

protect them."



The boy's father was speechless.



Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."



Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen

if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about

what we don't have.



Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!



"Life is too short and friends are too few."



"Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have

trouble remembering how to fly."

What has become of me?

Ok. Confession. I was at my department Christmas party tonight. I had 4 shots of tequila and a beer, and one soda in 2.5 hours. I feel nothing. What is wrong here. I had 1800 tequila, nothing to mess with. I feel fine. Am I drinking too much that I'm not affected. The VP of my department was worried about me. I was fine, I am still fine, I had my last drink less than one hour ago. I'm not tired at all, that might be my only side affect. I find that I get more of a buzz off of beer than I do hard liquour, why is that?

Changing gears.

I finally began wrapping xmas presents tonight. Have about 30 more to wrap. Ugh.

Side note again....I'm pissy about the fact that I can't say Merry Christmas anymore, it has to be Happy Holidays or Seasons Greetings. Why? I know why. However, the other holidays should have days off and those of us that don't celebrate should be able to have them off too, whether it is our belief or not.

Oh, I found out tonight at my xmas party that the VP of the company wears briefs. I didn't want to know that, but now I'm blessed with that info. Might come in handy at some point, like when I'm on my way out of the company or something. I must admit, I like to buddy up w/ the big wigs at xmas functions, they always buy drinks and lots of them. There was a 2 drink limit tonight, obviously I had 5. Yes. None I paid for, even sweeter.

I'm going to try to get some sleep, or perhaps watch tv. Who knows, I know my eyes are in no shape ready to call it a night.

Why do we have xmas parties mid week? Why not on a weekend? Why? Why?

Freaking out a bit..

Ok, so about an hour ago, I told my x that I was seeing someone. It was one of those things I didn't want to say. Not that it should matter, but it's none of his business. I don't want him to try to pry (as he has in the past). I'm a bit freaked out, but that is the only info he got, no name or any other specifics. I guess he was going to find out eventually anyway. Right??

Besides that slip up, I did have a decent friendly conversation with him that remained all about our daughter except for that bit of info that slipped out, but he started it. Anyway.

I have nothing exciting really planned this weekend. I'm actually feeling a bit lonely and down today, with no really good reason to. I'm just in one of those moods to spend the time I have alone. I'm feeling anti social. I'm even thinking of shutting my cell off, I don't want any calls. I probably won't though. I should.

On a side note: I received an early xmas present last night from Mmmmm. It was a CD that he had compiled just for me. I love it. It is awesome. That's what presents should be all about, from the heart. It was one of the most thoughtful gifts I ever received. I have been playing it over and over. It's really good. I'm still trying to figure out all of the songs on it, because he didn't give me the play list. Still I'm enjoying it.

Vote Macy!

Anyone who reads this by Dec 15th, if you could please go to www.blufftontoday.com and click on the "Vote Top Dog" button on the left hand side of the screen and vote for Macy, the saint bernard. She is the dog of a friend of mine, and also was my dog for one day. A story for another time, but she is trying to remain top dog for the third week in a row, so any votes for her to put her on top would be greatly appreciated!

I'll share the story someday of how I am an Aunt to Macy, but right now she is in second place and needs your vote!

Thanks guys!

Let me start by saying I've had a very long weekend, it went by so fast. Can't believe it's already Sunday evening. I should get to bed and I will but I had to post, just had to.

Hibache was awesome. I loved it, I loved every minute of it. We were there to celebrate a birthday of a friend of a friend, he was turning 28. On that day. We had 13 people, but our party got divided, party of 7, and a party 6 (and I'm not a math major). It was a great time, I went with the filet and shrimp. I made a poor choice and had white rice instead of fried, live and learn. I had 3 shots of warm sake. Very different, very good. I had no sushi, though it's available. After leaving dinner the 13 of us went to the local dive bar and had a few drinks, actually made it an early night, was in bed and asleep by midnight.

Saturday I had to get up fairly early to go Christmas present shopping with my mother, she wanted to buy gifts for my daughter and wanted me there for the okay and my opinions. I got a free lunch out of the deal. Win. Win. I had a killer headache all day, I think it was the sake. I tried to lay down from 3 to 5 and catch a nap, but I couldn't. I think I was trying to hard to sleep. I had dinner reservations at 6, so I pulled myself out of bed at 5 and got ready. I went to a family style restaurant, the porportions were huge, the food sucked. The best part was the cheesecake for dessert. Had a few drinks, I wasn't paying. Tequila shot!!!! Anyway, after the dinner, we went to a comedy club, I've never done that before either, don't think I'll be rushing back too soon. Don't get me wrong it was fun, but I don't even know either comics name. I lost interest very quickly. After that, 4 of us ended up at a nightclub/danceclub. Whatever. It SUCKED. I had been there twice before in my life, the last time maybe 6 years ago. Now I remember why I didn't go back. It was the most pathetic place I've seen in a while. The desperate middle aged women, not even trying to put a little effort into what they looked like. The middle aged men the same, but atleast they were dressed nicer and were on the dance floor. The whole sceen, terrible. They should name the bar "Train wrecks". Got home and to bed around 1:30 am. Another early night.

Today, I had a mission when I woke up to complete my Christmas shopping today and get a tree. Check. Check. Well sort of. The tree is up and decorated. Yet, I have maybe only 20 ornaments, I need about 20 more. I put red and white lights on this year, looks very nice. The shopping is nearly complete, I have very few small items that need to be acquired yet, in the next week or two, right? I still have until the 24th. : )

I didn't really get to relax too much this weekend but I am taking a personal day off work tomorrow and going to try to get as much wrapping of gifts done as I can. My favorite part. Yeah, right. ( That would have been the perfect place to put NOT, but how 80's would that have sounded?)

I'm going back into hiding now.

Help?? Dan/Hyde

First off. I took my daughter to the Dr. on Saturday, she finished all her prescribed medicines today. She still coughs during the day, but I'm getting to sleep better at night and so is she.

Secondly. I'm not holding a grudge Mmmmm. I'm over it. I accepted your apology the first time you gave it to me. Next time you'll be more sensitive : ) Thanks for the compliment!

Here is my dilemna for Friday. I'm going out to eat at a hibache restaurant. I have no idea how to act or what to eat. There will be 9 of us and I think I am the only virgin that will be at the table/floor. Whatever. Help me out. What can I expect. I was asked if I'm going to have saki. The cook squirts it in your mouth I was told, wtf? What should I order? I've never had sushi, I'm not really up for that challenge, I was told I could have a steak. I really just want to know what to expect and what I could possible order of a menu. I know Hyde and Dan have eaten at these types of restaurants. Help guys.

Only Me......and you

Ok, first off my kid has been coughing for a week now, I thought it was her asthma, now I think it might be more than that. Still giving it a couple more days before I go to the doctors and they tell me it's a cold.

Secondly. I would like to gather a small collection of slang words and what they mean. I was reading LavaLadys blog the other day and she had a story up about a mens cologne that smelled like a hummer. Well I read it a few times before realizing they meant the car. Geez. Here are a few examples that I know of from around here and other places.

Hummer = blowjob
Fag = Cigarette
Pissed = drunk
snog = kiss
scrump = screw + hump

So help me out, I need some new slang to use around the house and work.

Also, thanks to Mmmmm I had a sick feeling in my stomach for about an hour. I'm over it, not even sure if he reads here anymore. Don't really care.

Other than that life is life. I'm going to freeze again tomorrow night as I have chosen to voluntarily partake in an outdoor activity, then on the way home I plan on taking the scenic route and looking at xmas light.

I feel more posts coming on this weekend, stay close.